Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
