then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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