He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
