Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
