Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Pants are for mortals
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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