Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
