what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
