You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
