fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
