Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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