Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
