Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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