I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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