I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
its not stalking. its research.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
