So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
