i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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