All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
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