I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Me. At least after what I've been through.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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