I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
