I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
