Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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