I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
