come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
