I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We had to coat check the pizza.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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