Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
