i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
