Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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