I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
