Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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