your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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