We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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