i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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