well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
