I wish they made helmets for livers.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
