Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
