I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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