There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
