anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
