Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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