So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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