Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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