I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
