If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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