I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
