puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
whose ass print is on the piano?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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