I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
