His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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