Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
