do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
