Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My life is pants optional.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
