the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
