I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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