its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She bit a glass in half.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
