You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
