I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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