Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
