you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
