if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
