yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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