Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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