Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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