you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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