Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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