how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
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I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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