my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
