Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
