all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I did not marry a roomba.
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