does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
