I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
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It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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