Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
