you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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