my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
