My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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