im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Boobs speak an international language.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
