my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
