if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
